In old frontiersman's lost horse, we find encouragement

Long before I ever uttered my first word in Mandarin Chinese, I encountered a story that has helped me redefine how I approach the good and the bad in life－the tale of the old frontiersman's lost horse, or sai weng shi ma.

According to the tale, an old man living near the border happened to lose his horse when it ran away. People came to comfort him, but he responded by saying, "Why couldn't this be something fortunate?" After a few months, the horse returned to the old man, bringing along with it a number of fine steeds from the frontier. People came to offer congratulations, but the old man said, "Why couldn't this be a calamity?" The old man now had many horses at his home, and his son loved to ride. But one day, while on horseback, the son fell off and broke his leg. People came to console the old man, who instead told them, "Why couldn't this be a good thing?" A year later, barbarians carried out a large-scale invasion on the frontier, and every able-bodied young man took up arms to go to war. The vast majority of the people living at the frontier died. But the son was saved from going to battle because of his lame leg, allowing him and his father to survive in safety.

Ever since I've first read this story as a high school student, I've returned to it again and again whenever the world yields more sorrows than sweetness. The idea that, perhaps, things that seemed bad might actually prove to have a silver lining, one we might not discern at first, has provided a certain reassurance I depend on amid the vicissitudes of life. And indeed, sometimes what seems apparently unfortunate can still yield blessings after all.

For example, years ago when I returned to China from the United States, I came for a position at an organization in Hangzhou that soured after only four months. But, because of that position, which I ultimately quit, I discovered the charms of Hangzhou and found myself surrounded by a bevy of friends who encouraged me to stay. Then I soon fell into a wonderful new job at an internet company－the same firm that my future husband Jun would enter only months later, allowing the two of us to meet and fall in love.

From this perspective, those four bitter months at that organization proved fortuitous, because the experience still brought me to Hangzhou, where I eventually got that pivotal new job that would connect me with my cherished husband.

Psychology professionals might point out that the story of the old frontiersman's lost horse could serve as a more ancient example of the idea of reframing－to look at a situation from a different angle.

Of course, not everything lends itself easily to a more uplifting rewrite, such as the untimely death of my mother when I was in high school. However, approaching the world with an eye toward the positive, and the hopeful possibilities in life, does mean we're more likely to find encouragement elsewhere, even in the little things.

I like to play a game with my husband I call "However". Whenever one of us brings up some bad news or a negative situation, the other responds with the word "However" as a prompt to speak out the dialectical good side to what happened. I have a feeling the old frontiersman who lost a horse would approve.