Learning language has me at a loss for words

Learning is something we do our entire lives, whether knowingly or not. From the moment we are born, we react to stimuli, learn from it and adapt. Sure, the learning starts small in the first few days, from squinting in bright light, to finding the right teat to attach on to.

But things snowball from there. Suddenly, we've learned to walk, speak drunkenly and determine right from wrong in a basic way. Sure, there are always blips on the learning expressway, forgetfulness and the sheer bloody mindedness of wild experimentation.

After our teens and early adulthood, after we've passed through all mandatory and tertiary layers of formal education, our approach to learning changes. Yes, we still read books, tolerate the news, and learn for either good or bad from the people we surround ourselves with and from our daily experiences. But it is not "active" learning.

Which is why it fills me with great pleasure, and indeed pain, shame and revile, that I took up learning a language well into my, ahem, 30s. It has made me rediscover the joys and challenges of learning, as well as how utterly terrible I am as a student.

Though, I have studied (in no way formally) for a few years now, I have never studied using a textbook or by doing homework and exercises. I know that this is the tried and tested method for the vast majority of language learners out there, and Lord knows I know many people who study using textbooks and I am sure they are very successful and happy.

A teacher or two in the past has tried to mold my learning to the pages of a book, but that, it seems, is just not how my brain works.

Whether due to a so-far undiagnosed medical condition or an underlying mania, my method of learning is by chatting and listening, making mistakes, carrying on, making the same mistake again, carrying on, and at some point, subconsciously the mistake remedies itself somehow.

This method involves no books, no translation tech, no English (it's Chinese I'm learning if you hadn't guessed), just coffee and a bit of an old chat. And, this last bit is crucial — a teacher that speaks absolutely no English whatsoever. We are all human, including me, I've been told. And the moment we humans catch a glimpse of being able to cheat or find an easier way or shortcut to do something, we do it. So not having any English at all means that, I as a learner, if I find myself unable to express myself as assiduously in Chinese as I'd like, I'd better either learn how to, or, by using my current Chinese, find a way to express myself circumventing the current blockage.

This way of learning has allowed me to express myself with far more clarity, ingenuity and personalization than any textbook could ever have. Now, if only I could find someone who wants to talk to me?

I think legendary Chinese scholar and educator Confucius summed it up quite neatly when he said: By three methods we may learn wisdom — first, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.