FAMILY AFFAIRS

Parenting is tough, no matter what. And sometimes it's so tough that parents find themselves at a loss.

That's why family education counselor Su Shu spends his days offering advice on such problems as: "My kid is addicted to playing mobile phone games; what should I do?" and "My son doesn't want to go to school, and it seems there's nothing I can do about it."

The 50-year-old started working in family education in 2016 and is responsible for building a team of family counselors. He joined the family counseling service center in Beijing's Shunyi district in July 2019 and attended the district's "family-school-society" coeducation counseling room project last year.

"Our work is to help parents solve their own problems while also improving ourselves," Su says.

In October 2019, Beijing set up a pilot program to integrate resources from schools, families and society to create counseling rooms to resolve family education problems faced by parents and children.

It began with pilots in Dongcheng,Chaoyang, Haidian, Fengtai, Fangshan, Tongzhou, Changping and Daxing districts. Each district selected at least one middle school, one primary school, one kindergarten and one community to set up each consultation room.

By the end of last year, over 100 such counseling rooms had been set up in the city. The plan developed by the committee for the well-being of the next generation affiliated with the Beijing Municipal Education Commission calls for evenly distributing these centers throughout the city's districts.

The rooms usually provide two 90-minute consultations a day on weekdays during school terms and one daily during winter vacation. One expert and one volunteer answer families' questions and produce relevant records, Su explained.

"After parents leave the consultation room, the expert and volunteer review the session to find shortcomings in their services and make improvements. Volunteers conduct a second session for families with serious problems," Su said.

The room in Shunyi will adopt an appointment mechanism starting from the next school term to offer services to all parents in the district, Su said.

Common problems parents mentioned are communication between parents and children; habits; ability cultivation; general interpersonal communication; emotional adjustment; psychological adaptation; and care-taking skills.

"Some parents place high expectations on their children but lack sufficient understanding of their kids and can't guide the situation and teach children according to their aptitudes,"he said. "And many parents don't know enough about family education.Many children's problems stem from their parents."

Su said counseling is a science. So volunteers produce summaries and learn from experience. But volunteers' professionalism needs improvement to meet families' diverse needs.

Wang Lin is a primary school psychology instructor in Beijing's Fengtai district and a volunteer of the district's"family-school-society" coeducation counseling room. She encounters various family education issues almost daily both in the classroom and the counseling room.

Wang said she always acts as a listener first. She lets families take their time to describe their problems before offering suggestions.

"I can't describe the sense of accomplishment that comes from watching a child and his or her parents walk into the counseling room crying or sad and leave with bright smiles,"Wang said.

The parent-child relationship of second-child families is a frequent discussion topic. She recalled a 10-year-old girl once visited her consulting room and complained that her parents seemed to favor her brother. At first she was silent. Then, she cried and explained her grievances to Wang.

"No matter what, my parents always asked me to humor my brother. I've tried my best to do everything right. Why don't they notice?" she asked.

Wang then invited the girl's parents to the counseling room to suggest they listen to their daughter more and pay more attention to her progress.

The mother said, "I never realized that our careless actions caused so much harm to our daughter."

After a dozen sessions, Wang gradually saw the girl change to become more outgoing and confident. She often told Wang about the praises and gifts her parents gave her.

In recent years, Wang has also sent family education coaches into the communities and set up a consulting room with several other psychology instructors in the Fengyi Garden community in Fengtai.

The instructors take turns answering questions and providing services for residents.

They help students who drop out of school because of internet addiction to re-enroll, help parents find kids who've run away and answer questions about primary and junior high schools' admissions policies.

The residents' trust and gratitude make Wang feel good about performing this public service.

She remembers a call she received a few months ago. "A junior high girl dropped out of school for a year and did nothing but lie in bed staring at the ceiling and refused to see a doctor.The mother hoped I could get her daughter to re-enroll in school."

Wang immediately went to their home and visited the girl's bedroom.

"The curtains were tightly closed,and there was no light. The bedside table was full of empty cola bottles,"Wang recalled.

"She was very polite. When she saw me entering the room, she quickly sat up in the bed and whispered, 'Hello,teacher'. I told myself I need to help this kid get out of the house."

During her visits over the following weeks, Wang brought snacks and fruit, and chatted with the girl like a friend. Eventually, she began to open up.

"Mom and Dad thought I was sick and took me to the hospital. The doctor prescribed medicines for me, but I thought they'd make me fat, so I secretly vomited them up," the girl told Wang.

After nearly two months of counseling with Wang, the girl finally agreed to see a doctor again.

Today, through the treatment of a professional psychologist, the girl's mental health has returned to normal,and she is back in school.

"There are many children just like this girl today. They are struggling to find a way to speak up and seek help,"Wang said.

"Without proper treatment, their situations may get worse. If possible,more effort should be made to care for these children and their families. This is the value of counseling rooms in schools and communities."