The
secret of a long and happy marriage appears to be not to expect
too much from it.
US researchers say that, unless you have superior relationship
skills, your hopes of cosy coupledom
are likely to be dashed.
Far better, they say, to aim low to ensure you are not disappointed.
The key to keeping that newlywed glow appears to be forgiveness
and communication.
The study, by researchers from Ohio and Florida Universities
looked at 82 couples.
They quizzed all the spouses independently over four years.
Their study, published in the Journal of Personality and Social
Psychology, found those who believed their partner would be unfailingly
kind, loving and agree with their every word, could retain their
positive outlook by being forgiving, and having charitable explanations
for their partner's negative behaviour.
However those with high expectations but without those relationship
skills are likely to be brought down to earth fairly quickly as
their Prince or Princess Charming falls off their pedestal.
In contrast, the researchers say holding a more prosaic
view of your loved one means you are less likely to be
disappointed, and therefore more satisfied with your marriage.
Writing in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,
researchers led by James McNulty, professor of psychology at Ohio
University, said: "In contrast to the idea that expectations
in the early years of marriage exert main effects on satisfaction,
the current findings suggest that the effects of expectations
interact with the skills partners bring to their relationships."
Previous research found that people tend to select like-minded
partners who they believe will be able to maintain a stable
relationship.
The finding contradicts the old adage
that opposites attract.
Instead, the US researchers said people looking for long-term
relationships should select partners who were similar to themselves,
rather than seeking out the highest quality partner available.
(Agencies)
Updated: 2004-05-17 01:00