只是將信件寫得簡潔明了還是不夠的，語言也是一個重要的因素：你的用語要夠“現代”，才能更好地溝通。
Being Clear and Concise: Is It Enough?
The letter below is clear and concise. But there still is
a problem. Do you know what it is?
|
22 April 200X
Ms Fiona Green
100 Clearwater Bay
Road
Sai Kung NT
Dear Ms Green
Phone Payment Service (PPS)
I refer to your telephone enquiry
yesterday.
I would like to advise you of the
details.
We sent you the Phone Payment Service (PPS) details
and application form on 20 April.
If you complete and return the form to us, we can
process your application immediately.
Thank you for your kind
attention.
Yours sincerely
Clever Man
Clever Man
Manager
Smart Branch |
Using Modern English: Why Do It
The letter still contains some "old-fashioned business
English".
Look at the last paragraph of the
letter.
"Thank you for your kind
attention."
Does this sentence look familiar? Have you ever read - or
written - this sentence at the end of a letter? Have you ever thought what this
sentence means?
This remark only tells the reader two things:
l
that they
need to read the letter "kindly" (how does the reader do that?)
l
that they
need to read the letter "attentively" (again, how does the reader do that?).
It seems that the writer only wants the reader to read
the letter...and not do anything else.
This sentence is an example of old-fashioned business
English. There are many other examples, but, we shouldn't use any of
them!
In all of your business writing, you should use
plain
and modern English. Your readers will like it. You'll also show that you
represent a modern company.
Using Modern English: How
To Do It
Study the table below. Avoid the old-fashioned
expressions. Use only the modern words and phrases.
|
Old-fashioned |
Modern |
|
acknowledge receipt of |
I have received |
|
advise
|
inform/tell |
|
assuring you of our best attention at all
times |
(nothing) |
|
as per your request |
as you requested |
|
attached herewith please find |
I have attached |
|
captioned
|
(nothing) |
|
deem
|
believe / consider |
|
due to the fact that |
because / as |
|
Esteemed Sir
|
Dear Sir |
|
to forward |
to send |
|
at your earliest convenience |
(exact date) |
|
hereby/ herein/ herewith |
(nothing) |
|
in compliance with your request |
as you requested |
|
kindly
|
please |
|
permit me to say |
(nothing) |
|
prior to
|
before |
|
pursuant to
|
after |
|
queries
|
questions |
|
under separate cover |
separately |
|
we beg to remain |
(nothing) |
|
with regard to |
regarding |
In his letter to Fiona Green, Clever Man included some
old-fashioned business English.
In his second paragraph (where he stated his purpose for
writing), he wrote
I would like to advise you of
the details.
If you revised that sentence to make it more modern, you
could write
I would like to tell you the
details.
In his last paragraph (the concluding remark), Clever Man
wrote
Thank you for your kind
attention.
If you revised that remark to make it more modern, you
could write
I look forward to hearing from
you.
Both of these revisions show good customer service. Both
revisions also sound natural, don't they? They
sound as if you're speaking with the customer
face-to-face.
This is the final revision of the letter. Compare it with
the original letter on the right, and remind yourself of the revision strategies
that you've learned so far.
|
FINAL
22 April
200X
Ms Fiona Green
100 Clearwater Bay Road
Sai Kung
NT
Dear Ms
Green
Phone Payment Service
(PPS)
I refer to your telephone enquiry
yesterday.
I would like to tell you the
details.
We sent you the Phone Payment
Service (PPS) details and application form on 20
April.
If you complete and return the
form to us, we can process your application
immediately.
I look forward to hearing from
you.
Yours
sincerely
Clever Man
Clever Man
Manager
Smart Branch |
ORIGINAL
22 April 200X
Ms Fiona Green
100 Clearwater Bay Road
Sai Kung NT
Dear Ms Green
PPS
I refer to your recent communication, and for your
information please be advised that the PPS details and application form
were sent to you at an earlier date. Thank you for your kind
attention.
Yours sincerely
Clever Man
Clever Man
Manager
Smart
Branch |
（來源：中國物流論壇
實習生江巍
英語點津
Annabel 編輯）
我要學習更多商務英語
