一間老房子承載了我的成長記憶，少年時的點滴趣事，生命中的至愛親人，甚至一個寧靜午后的定格瞬間，也是彌足珍貴。或許天下無不散之筵席，能夠留在記憶中，就是永恒。

By Amy Friel

叢思 選注

My Mum sent me a real estate listing today. It turns out that my uncle is selling the old family cottage where we spent our summers when I was a kid. And since nobody in the family can afford to buy it, pretty soon it will no longer be a part of the family at all.

It is strange that I’m mourning the loss of a place I haven’t seen in years. The last time I was there, I was 16. It was just after the ownership had passed to my uncle, and Mum had recruited me to help my Gramma pack up the last of her things.

If I had known I wouldn’t see the place again, I might have made a proper goodbye. Then again, with the spirit of cultivated detachment that goes with mid-teenhood, I might not have.

Summers at the lake stretch back in my mind as far as anything. Most of it is hazy—fishing for minnows off the dock; painting the floor of the sleeping cabin; the smell of wet bathing suits and wetter dogs; barbecues; tree houses; cans of pop stored in the cold spring.

In the centre of it all was my Grampa.

If you asked me to relate one complete memory of my Grampa, I might be hard-pressed to do so. But I can tell you that he was there. He was there on the dock in the sun, he was there lighting the woodstove, he was the sound of Nintendo games coming from the living room and the aroma of stew wafting up the stairs from the kitchen.

Grampa was the arbiter of table manners and of saying grace before meals. He was the only grown-up who knew the names of the block-people—the dolls I'd made by drawing faces on wood scraps—who inhabited the screen porch facing the lake.

My grandparents’ bedroom was a sea of books, boxes, papers and oddities—a sprawling collection that has followed Gramma through countless moves, and still survives (and grows!) to this day.

In that cottage bedroom, amid a veritable jungle of stuff, was a tiny, paneless window no bigger than a dinner plate. It was Gramma’s special window that looked over the living room below. She told me once that any time she was feeling sad, she would sit at that window; Grampa would see her, head upstairs, and put right whatever might be wrong. As a child I always believed it to be a sort of magic window.

After Grampa died, the manifestations of his absence happened slowly, in pieces, for our family. There was a sense we had lost our calm centre. I’m guessing that as much as he was the arbiter of table manners, he had also been the arbiter of family disputes.

Minor tensions reared themselves more visibly than before. Most of them resolved with time. One of them just wouldn’t.

I am not entirely sure what happened between my uncle and the rest of the family. Whatever transpired ended sadly, in that estranged-relative story that is familiar to all too many people. I haven’t seen or heard from him since I was a teenager.

His disappearance from our lives took with it the cottage. But it was always a small comfort to know that, in a very technical way , it was still the family’s cottage. This latest piece of news—the sale, I mean—is the last stage in a protracted process of loss.

I imagine that sometime soon, someone will trek down the rocky dirt road with a realtor to view the cottage. They will see everything only at face value—three bedrooms, two docks, a sleeping cabin and Grampa’s garden, which I’m sure looks nothing like the tended green paradise it once was. But there is so much they won’t be able to see.

They won’t see the piles of junk that once filled the master bedroom, or the ghosts of beloved family dogs whose spirits, I’m sure, still paddle about in the lake.

They won’t be able to see the ruins of the block-people city on the screened porch. They certainly won’t see Gramma’s magic window, which my uncle boarded up in the name of practicality.

These little things are what filled that place for generations, like invisible cobwebs of memory covering every wall.

Nothing is immutable . The people, the places, the things we love can be, and too often are, taken from us. But that doesn’t make them any less enduring . The very lucky among us are left with happy memories in which to carry around the light of other days.

For myself, I know this: that there will never be any overgrown gardens or boarded-up windows in the cottage that lives in my mind. That particular incarnation is mine to keep, untouched by death or change, frozen and unmoving in the crystalline past.

As for the other cottage, the one made of nails and boards, it bears little resemblance to the one I knew not-so-long ago.

But I like to believe that one remaining straggler of the block people remains.

I imagine he’s found new employment as a door stop, his marker-drawn fa?ade fading, the last relic of summers that now live in dusty photo albums.

And behind the fading ink of his lopsided eyes is the memory of another, much younger, me, and the people I have been lucky enough to know and love in the house that built me.

Vocabulary

1. real-estate: 房地產，不動產。

2. cottage: 小屋，村舍。

3. pretty: 相當地，非常。

4. mourn: （對……）感到痛心，感到遺憾。

5. recruit: 找……幫忙。

6. proper: 確切意義上的，嚴格意義上的。

7. 然而，帶著青少年中期所養成的“超然”精神，我并沒有向小屋做一個真正意義上的道別。

8. 夏日湖邊的記憶在我的頭腦中無限延伸。

9. hazy: 模糊的，朦朧的；minnow: 鰷魚；sleeping cabin:臥艙；bathing suit: 泳衣；wet dogs: 奇異的酒味；can of pop: 易拉罐。

10. hard-pressed: 處于困境的。

11. woodstove: 木制火爐；Nintendo game: 任天堂游戲，任天堂是日本著名的游戲制作公司，其游戲機內的諸多經典游戲如《魂斗羅》、《超級瑪麗》和《坦克大戰》等深受游戲玩家喜愛；aroma: 濃香，芳香；stew: 燉；waft: 飄蕩。

12. arbiter: 仲裁人；grace: 餐前感恩禱告。

13. scrap: 碎片；inhabit: 棲息，居住于；screen porch: 紗門門廊，紗窗陽臺。

14. a sea of: 大量的；oddity: 奇特的東西；sprawling: 雜亂地建造的；countless: 無數的，數不盡的。

15. veritable: 真正的，名副其實的；paneless: 無窗格玻璃的。

16. put right: 使恢復正常，改正。

17. 祖父去世后，家中缺少了他，問題就慢慢地、一個一個凸顯出來。

18. as much as: 和……一樣，和……同樣程度。

19. 小的沖突比以前更加明顯。

20. 這種疏遠的親戚的故事對很多人來說并不陌生，一旦得知什么消息，往往就是壞消息。

21. in a technical way: 嚴格意義上說。

22. protracted: 持久的，拖延的。

23. trek: 緩慢行走，無精打采地走；realtor: 房地產經紀人。

24. face value: 票面價值，表面價值; tend: 照料，照管。

25. paddle: 玩水，涉水。

26. board up: 用木條封?。ù盎蜷T）；in the name of: 以……的名義；practicality: 實用性，實際性。

27. cobweb: 蜘蛛網。

28. immutable: 永恒的，永遠不變的。

29. enduring: 持久的。

30. overgrown: 植被蔓生的。

31. incarnation: 化身，典型；crystalline: 透明的，清晰的。

32. bear resemblance to: 與……相似。

33. straggler: 流浪者，掉隊者。

34. marker-drawn: 記號筆畫的；fa?ade: 表面，外觀；relic: 遺跡，遺物。

35. lopsided: 兩側不勻稱的，向一側傾斜的。

（來源：英語學習雜志 編輯：丹妮）