分手后老想著復合怎么辦？先想清楚這9個問題

很多人分手了會后悔當初的決定，糾結要不要復合。有人說，吃回頭草絕對是一個糟糕的想法。但也存在這種可能性：分手只是一時沖動，重修舊好反而是件正確的事。那么我們究竟該不該和前任復合呢？關鍵在于，你必須想清楚為什么和對方復合，以及這些理由是否有足夠的說服力。在下定決心之前，你應該仔細思考這些問題。

1. Are You Just Lonely?
你是否只是太孤獨了？

This is the most important question. If you're feeling lonely or bored or listless, that is not the right reason to get back together. Take up knitting or something, it doesn't matter. Just don't get back together if this is your reason.
這是最關鍵的一點。如果你只是感到“空虛寂寞冷”，那么這不是復合的恰當原因。做點編織或者無論什么其他事情，消磨下時間。如果這真的是你的理由，那最好還是算了。

2. Why Did You Break Up And Is It Still A Problem?
你還沒明白為何分手？

You need to be really honest about all the reasons you broke up and whether they're things that have actually been fixed.
你必須坦誠地面對分手的原因，想明白那些導致分手的問題是否已經得到解決。

"According to the well-known couples researcher Dr. John Gottman, 69 percent of relationship conflict is about perpetual problems - and ALL couples have them," Pella Weisman, Dating Coach and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, tells Bustle. "It's inevitable that there are ongoing issues in any relationship, and this is OK, as long as they are things you can live with. If the issues are problematic, be honest with yourself about this. Even better, get an outside perspective from someone you trust." It may be that the issues are just too big to make it work.
情感專家兼婚姻家庭認證治療師佩拉?威斯曼告訴Bustle網站：“根據著名研究員約翰?格特曼關于情侶關系的研究，69%的感情矛盾會一直存在——并且所有的情侶都會有。在任何關系中，矛盾都是不可避免的，這沒什么，只要你能接受。但是如果矛盾太深，你必須正視它。能夠聽取一個值得信任的局外人的看法就更好了。”或許，矛盾本身就很嚴重以至于你們根本解決不了。

3. How Long Have You Given Yourself?
你給自己多久的時間？

You should always give yourself some breathing room. If you just broke up two days ago — or, if it was a long relationship, even two weeks or months ago — your mind hasn't settled yet. Getting back together is a big decision, so make sure you're in the right headspace.
你應該給自己一些喘息的時間。如果你兩天前才分手，又或者剛從一段很長久的戀情走出來兩個星期，或者兩個月，你的心還沒有安定下來。復合是一項重大的決定，所以一定要確保給自己留足了空間。

4. Are They Promising To Change?
對方承諾要有所改變了嗎？

“The only reason you should ever get back together with an ex is because you’re willing to accept them exactly as they are,” sex and relationship expert Ravid Yosef tells Bustle. “Acceptance, no matter the circumstances, is the only way that you can make it when that thing that was wrong in the first place creeps up again.” If they're promising to change, you can't fall for it. You need to be sure you love them just as they are.
兩性情感專家拉維德?約瑟夫告訴Bustle：“你與前任復合的唯一理由，應當是你能接受對方真實的模樣。無論什么情況，包容是在你們之間的老問題又重新出現時，你唯一能做的事。”如果前任承諾改變，你不能輕易相信。你要確保自己愛的就是對方本來的樣子。

5. Are You Good Communicators?
你善于溝通嗎？

Communication is a must if you're going to get your relationship back on track. "Many couples have problems communicating about conflict, especially if each partner has a different communication style," Weisman says. If you can't find a way to reach each other, reconciliation is going to be near-impossible.
如果你想讓你們的關系回到正軌，溝通是必須的。威斯曼稱：“許多情侶無法就矛盾進行溝通，尤其當雙方的交流方式不同時。”如果你找不到一個互相了解的方法，和解幾乎是不可能的。

6. Is This Just Because They're In Your Orbit?
或許你想復合只是因為他經常出現在你身邊？

If you're on the same course or in the same office or have friends in common, it may just be that you're seeing too much of them and it's making you think you should be back together. “Staying too close with them and spending too much time with them does not allow you to move on from them, or to meet new people,” psychologist and love expert Dr. Nikki Martinez tells Bustle. Make sure you give yourself a healthy distance.
如果你們同修一門課、在同一個辦公室工作或有共同的朋友，可能你只是因為太經常看到對方，才萌生了復合的想法。心理學家兼愛情專家尼基?馬丁內斯博士告訴Bustle：“和對方接觸太親密，以及花過多時間在他們身上，會讓你無法放下過去，認識新的人。”要確保你們保持恰當的距離。

7. Do You Want To Put The Time In?
你真的愿意為這段關系投入時間嗎？

Getting back together and making a relationship work takes a lot of investment. You need to be prepared to put in the time and energy — and feel sure that your ex will do the same.
想要重修舊好需要投入很多精力。你必須準備好投入時間、心思，并確信你的另一半也會如此。

8. Are You Just Horny?
你只是太饑渴嗎？

Are you? No judgement, but it's probably not a good enough reason to get back into a relationship that wasn't working the first time.
是這樣嗎？無意冒犯，但因此恢復一段原本不合適的戀情，可能不是一個好理由。

9. Are You Scared To Be Single?
你是害怕單身嗎？

Too many people run back to the last person they were with because they're scared of being single — even though it can be a life-changing experience. "It can actually be a time to learn more about oneself and experience the greatest self-growth,” psychotherapist Mary Beth Somich tells Bustle. “Feeling lonely as a result of being single can actually inspire individuals to have new experiences that they would not have put themselves out there for otherwise."
太多的人是因為害怕單身才回到前任身邊，盡管這項決定可能會影響他們的一生。心理學家瑪麗?貝思?索密克告訴Bustle：“單身實際上是一個了解自我與自我成長的絕佳機會。 當人們因單身而感到孤獨時，實際上會促使他們去體驗戀愛時不會嘗試的新鮮經歷。”

Getting back together may feel like a good idea, and sometimes it is. Sometimes. Make sure you're taking a long, hard look at your past relationship and your reasons for wanting to get back together before you jump into anything.
有時與前任復合可能是個好主意，但也只是有時罷了。在急于復合之前，你必須要確保對曾經的感情和復合的理由深思熟慮過。

英文來源：Bustle
編譯：董靜
審校：yaning