直男必看：贊美女性的正確方式

全民表白日到了，你可能想把最好的贊美送給最愛的人，但很多鋼鐵直男在試圖贊美女性時往往會弄巧成拙，傷人感情。如果你也有這樣的困擾，你可能需要以下的傻瓜式操作。

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Never neg

不要打壓對方

Negging – a favourite of pickup artists and other shady characters – is basically an insult disguised as a compliment.

表面在贊美，實際上卻是在侮辱對方，這是把妹達人最喜歡用的伎倆。

You may not mean to neg a woman, but a compliment might veer into that territory. For example: ‘You look so cute! My gran has the exact same dress!’ or ‘I adore your little snub nose.’

有時候你在試圖贊美一個女人的時候，無意中也可能貶損了對方。比如：“你看上去真可愛！我奶奶也有一條那樣的裙子！”或者“我喜歡你的小蒜頭鼻！”

These are ‘compliments’ that will earn you a cold silence from a woman. She’s not going to notice the ‘cute’ part; it doesn’t count when she’s worried that her dress makes her look matronly or that she has an unfortunate nose.

如果你說了這些話，就等著冷場吧。對方不會注意到夸贊她的那部分，只會注意到你在說她穿著老氣或者鼻子長得丑。

There are plenty of other things you can compliment her on that won’t have the added effect of making her feel insecure.

可以贊美的方面有很多，你完全可以做到不在贊美時打擊對方。

Don’t make a joke of it

別開玩笑

Flirting can be scary at the best of times. You’re making yourself vulnerable when you do it, and it’s perfectly natural to want to offset that with humour. You want to tease a woman instead of complimenting her – but being earnest is probably the best approach when it comes to compliments. Women recognise sincerity and are grateful for it.

就算天時地利人和，撩妹也沒那么容易。處于被動狀態的你為了不那么尷尬，想說幾句幽默的話來緩解一下氣氛。于是你就想棄用贊美轉而對她進行調侃——殊不知真誠才是最好的贊美方式。當你拿出誠意時，對方是能夠感受到的，而且會很感激你。

Instead of ‘I’d tell you how cute you look today, but of course you already know that hahahahaha’, try a simple ‘You look really lovely today, by the way.’

錯誤的贊美方式是“我想說你今天很可愛，不過，你應該早就知道了，哈哈哈”，正確的打開方式是這樣的：“對了，你今天看上去很可愛。”

That way, she won’t have to smile awkwardly or wonder whether it’s a joke or not.

這樣，對方就不需要尷尬地對你微笑，也不用在心里嘀咕你說的到底是不是真心話。

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Do compliment her on things other than her appearance

贊美她們外表之外的東西

When complimenting women, it’s good to keep in mind that women are likely to be wary of comments on their physical appearance, and are much more receptive to compliments on their intelligence, wit, or sense of humour (In fact, they are almost never appreciated for the latter, so go ahead, tell her that she’s one of the funniest people you know).

贊美女性時，要記住女性對于別人贊美自己外表總是防心很重，相比之下，女性更喜歡別人贊美她們的才智或幽默感（事實上，人們總是容易忽視女性的幽默感，所以不妨告訴對方，她是你見過的最風趣的人）。

If you do make a comment on her physical appearance, the golden rule is to keep it general. ‘You look beautiful,’ to your date, NOT ‘you have a very sexy neck.’ No matter how sexy her neck is, pointing out one hyperspecific area of her body can feel gross and objectifying.

如果你非要稱贊人家的外表，黃金法則就是，不要說得太具體，用“你真漂亮”代替“你的脖子很性感”，就算人家的脖子再性感，都不要具體指出來，否則會讓人感覺惡心并有物化對方之嫌。

Don’t be abrasive or grudging

別一副不情不愿的樣子

Sadly many men adopt a slightly hostile or abrasive tone when they compliment women. It’s another defence mechanism that you have to let go of.

可悲的是，很多直男在贊美女性的時候總是帶著些許敵意或者不情愿的語氣，這其實是心理防御機制在搞鬼。

Remember, the purpose of a compliment is to make somebody feel better about themselves. Do it with a smile on your face and in a pleasant tone: don’t say it as if you had a gun to your head.

記住，贊美是為了讓對方自我感覺更良好，臉上帶笑、語氣愉快是最好的，不要給人不情不愿的感覺。

People don’t notice what you’re saying as much as the tone you’re saying it in, so a good compliment is completely wasted if it’s delivered poorly.

很多時候，人們會更多注意他人說話的語調，而不是內容。所以，如果贊美的好話不能好好地說，那還不如不說。

Finally, remember how powerful compliments can be

最后，記住贊美的力量是強大的

Ask most people and they’ll tell you: yes, they remember the best compliment they ever received. Even if it was five years ago, in the club loo and it was a drunk compliment from another girl.

如果你去問一下，很多人都會告訴你：他們記得自己收到過的最好的贊美。即便那些贊美來自5年前、發生在一個俱樂部廁所間或是另一個女孩在醉酒狀態下說出來的，它也仍然有力量。

英文來源：Metro

翻譯&編輯：丹妮