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Parents have the right to guide kids

By Liu Shinan (China Daily)
Updated: 2009-09-03 07:46

The Regulations on Protection of Minors, passed recently by the Heilongjiang Provincial Committee of the People's Congress, says parents have the obligation to stop their minor children from getting embroiled in love affairs. The regulations have triggered widespread debates. Most parents support the rule, but high school and university students, education and legal "experts" and some netizens oppose it.

The opposition is on two points. First, they argue that puppy love is natural and any restraint on it would be a violation of children's rights and freedom. Second, forceful restraint by adults would only result in worsening the matter.

The discussion touches a vital topic: What is the right way of educating the younger generation, given the two major problems they face - heavy academic burden and rebellious acts against parents and teachers.

There is a host of troubles with kids today - puppy love, addiction to the cyber world and computer games, playing truant in school, defiantly refusing parents' and teachers' advice and even roaming the streets aimlessly.

Have the problems reached the stage of becoming "very serious"? Of course not. But they are not insignificant enough to be ignored either. Some are even becoming alarming. Take puppy love, for instance. Scenes of boys and girls in high school uniforms (many hardly older than 13 or 14) hugging and kissing openly on streets have become common in Chinese cities.

I concede that it is natural for adolescent boys and girls to develop affection for each other, and that their intuitive yearning for an intimate touch from the opposite sex is not a social aberration. The problem is they do it without any scruple because our social environment has become very liberal toward sex.

My critics may question me: "Is it not good for us to have a liberal environment on sex?" Surely it is good in general but not if junior high school students kiss on streets or buses without any scruple, fear or sense of shame.

Why should children be scrupulous in their conduct? Because they need to know they have to refrain from certain acts. They should be taught that infatuation for a boy or girl at an early age could harm their studies and unrestrained involvement with the opposite sex could lead to more serious consequences.

I use "scruple" as a kind of social norm. It is something that people may not like intuitively but have to observe. Certain don'ts are necessary for children because they have little ability to exercise necessary restraints. If the social environment were such that puppy love is viewed as unacceptable, it would create a kind of pressure on children. And if they have "scruples", they will not let their love affair get out of control.

Children have the natural tendency of seeking pleasure without self-restraint. Parents, therefore, have the responsibility to teach, guide and supervise them. To carry out these responsibilities, parents need to have certain authority over their kids.

Unfortunately, over the past few decades, such responsibility and authority have weakened greatly because we have denounced the traditional way of educating our children. We have emphasized too much on the liberty given to children, and showered too much criticism on parents and teachers who are stern with kids in matters of education.

Now, it is time to correct the situation and prevent further weakening of parental (and teachers') authority. Heilongjiang province has done the right thing by promulgating the new rule because it ratifies the authority of parents in guiding their children's behaviors.

E-mail: liushinan@chinadaily.com.cn