When it comes to dealing with negative situations, the ability to rationally articulate anger or disagreement is not only vital in high-level diplomatic relations, it is also essential in our daily lives. In our living rooms, classrooms and hospital corridors, we need to use rational and non-violent methods to express our dissatisfaction. Frustration at unfair policies or treatment can certainly justify our anger, but our anger can never justify abusing family members, opening fire in classrooms, assaulting doctors or most egregiously, engaging in acts of terrorism.

Instead of pretending that anger doesn’t exist, and embracing the superficial slogans of positive thinking, we should start teaching and promoting appropriate means of dealing with anger and frustration. When we encounter angry feelings in ourselves or others, what we should “let go” of is the fanciful idea that we can turn frowns upside down and stifle anger with a few cheery words. Instead, we should direct our thoughts, words and actions to finding practical resolutions to whatever situation caused those angry feelings in the first place. As human beings, we need to start recognizing and accepting anger as a valid emotion and stop using it as a valid excuse for violent, destructive and criminal behavior. Anger isn’t wrong, but failure to deal with it appropriately is. 

Kim Lee is a writer and teacher specializing in family education. She lives in Beijing with her three daughters.