又是一年記者協會晚宴，“相聲表演藝術家”奧巴馬進行了他在白宮小劇場的“封箱演出”。他都講了什么段子、抖了哪些包袱？一起來看。

1. 吐槽總統卸任后的賺錢方式
"If this material works well, I'm gonna use it at Goldman Sachs next year. Earn me some serious Tubmans."
如果我今天的演講很出彩，我計劃明年到高盛再講一遍，賺點零花兒。

2. 評論自己遲到
"I do apologize, I know I was a little late tonight. I was running on CPT -- which stands for jokes that white people should not make."
抱歉我今晚遲到了一會兒，我是按照CPT時間來的。這是白人不能講的笑話。
（Colored People Time，即有色人種時間，指“黑人總遲到”的刻板思維）

3. 預測下一任總統
"Next year at this time, someone else will be standing here in this very spot. And it's anyone's guess who she will be."
明年這個時候，會有另一個人站在這個地方。有誰知道她會是誰么。
（用she暗指希拉里·克林頓可能當選）

4. 評論民主黨總統參選人伯尼·桑德斯
"We've got the bright new face of the Democratic Party here tonight, Mr. Bernie Sanders! Bernie, you look like a million bucks. Or to put it in terms you'll understand, you look like 37,000 donations of $27 each."
民主黨的全新面孔今晚也來到了現場——伯尼·桑德斯先生！伯尼，你氣色真不錯（英文直譯：看起來像百萬美元）。或者用你更易于理解的話說，你看起來像3.7萬份27美元的捐款。
（伯尼·桑德斯的競選基金主要來自普通捐款人，人均捐款數是27美元）

5. 提到伯尼·桑德斯與自己的差異
"I am a little hurt that you're distancing yourself from me, Bernie. That's not something you do to your comrade."
伯尼，你一直在跟我保持距離，這讓我有點傷心啊。你不該這樣對待你的革命戰友。
（雖然同為民主黨，但伯尼·桑德斯是一個社會主義者）

6. 評論自己的支持率上升
"In my final year, my approval ratings keep going up. The last time I was this high, I was trying to decide on my major."
任內最后一年，我的支持率一直在上升。我上次這么飄飄然，還是在我大學選專業的時候。
（曾有報道稱奧巴馬上學時吸毒成癮）

7. 吐槽唐納德·特朗普的經營策略
"There's one area where Donald's experience could be invaluable, and that's closing Guantanamo. Because Trump knows a thing or two about running waterfront properties into the ground."
有一個領域，唐納德的經驗會非常有用，那就是關閉關塔那摩監獄——因為在把水景地產搞砸這方面，特朗普還是挺在行的。

8. 評論特朗普未到現場
"I am a little hurt he's not here tonight. We had so much fun the last time. And it is surprising -- you have a room full of reporters, celebrities, cameras. And he says no. Is this dinner too tacky for The Donald? What could he be possibly doing instead? Eating a Trump Steak? Tweeting out insults to Angela Merkel? What's he doing?"
唐納德今晚沒來我有點小傷心，上次我們玩得那么開心。奇怪啊，今晚這么多記者、名人在場，這么多攝像機，他竟然不來。唐納德是嫌棄我們的晚宴太土嗎？那他現在在干嘛？在吃特朗普牛排？在推特上黑默克爾？還是干嘛呢？

9. 調侃特朗普不懂外交的梗
"They say Donald lacks the foreign policy experience to be president, but in fairness, he has spent years meeting with leaders from around the world -- Miss Sweden, Miss Argentina, Miss Azerbaijan."
大家都說唐納德缺乏當總統所需的外交經驗，不過公平來講，這些年他一直在跟各國領袖們（這里指“領先者、第一名們”）接觸——什么瑞典小姐啊，阿根廷小姐啊，阿塞拜疆小姐啊。

10. 拿前紐約市長跟特朗普比較
"I see Mike Bloomberg. Mike, a combative, controversial New York billionaire is leading the GOP primary and it's not you. That has to sting a little bit. Although it's not an entirely fair comparison between you and the Donald. After all, Mike was a big city mayor, he knows policy in-depth. And he's actually worth the amount of money that he says he is."
我看到邁克·布隆伯格也在現場。邁克，一個斗志昂揚、充滿爭議的紐約億萬富豪（這里指特朗普）正在領跑共和黨初選，而這人竟然不是你。你肯定會感覺不太舒服吧。當然，拿你跟特朗普相提并論不太妥當。畢竟邁克當過大城市的市長，對政策有深入了解，而且他的身家沒有注過水。
（暗諷特朗普不懂政策，吹噓自己的身家達上百億）

（中國日報網英語點津 杜娟）