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Remember that old tune "Friday, I'm in Love"? Well, some daters are looking to make it a reality. "I have found a wonderful weekend lover," reads a testimonial by "Leah, 38" on the new dating website, parttimelove.co.uk. "He asks for no more, and the times we spend together are magical." The site, launched in early January, is the brainchild of relationship author and blogger Helen Croydon. Its target demographic is people who want to be independent but also want to fall in love, she says. Some may wonder whether Part Time Love is simply the newest in a line of dating sites where users troll for one-night stands. But the site isn't just Tinder with a romantic sheen, if you believe its marketing spiel. "We are not a no-strings website. We are for singles looking for regular partners with mutual attraction, genuine friendship, respect and a magical spark but whom have no expectations of moving in after three months and value their free time and independence," claims the site, which users must opt into via other, more established dating sites. Croydon asserts that a low-maintenance or part-time relationship is distinctively different than the eloquently named "booty call," or the even more lucid "casual encounter" in that the goal is lasting love. Croydon admits it's not for everyone. She envisions her demographic as users in their mid-to-late 30s and early 40s who are set in their ways and might find it difficult to adapt domestically to a new partner. "They're realistic on the fairytale," she says. Croydon explores what she calls "low-maintenance relationships" in her new book "Screw the Fairytale: A Modern Girl's Guide to Sex and Love," in which she debunks the traditional ideal of the omnipresent partner. Croydon says she never wants to get married or have kids. (She's also quite familiar with unorthodox dating styles; her first book, "Sugar Daddy Diaries," was about her penchant for older men.) "You don't have to see someone three to four nights a week to express love," she told CNN over the phone from London. "In every other aspect of life, we've gone for convenience, independence and where individualism is promoted," she says. "Yet, you have this socially approved model of relationship that you live together." Croydon says for it to work, the partners' emphasis is still on a genuine relationship, in that there is romance and sparks but "without all the monotony and obligation of a full-time relationship." Jill Weber, a Virginia-based clinical psychologist and author of"Having Sex, Wanting Intimacy: Why Women Settle for One-Sided Relationships" says this particular style of dating can certainly feel empowering as it allows daters to compartmentalize the relationship. "It protects you; there's less vulnerability," she says. Sooner or later, though, she says one or both partners might catch stronger feelings and want something more. "Ultimately, what connects us with one another is being vulnerable," she asserts. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Weber says it's also important for each partner to feel like they have their own life. "You should feel safe and at ease in your relationship," she says, meaning that you aren't constantly worrying where your partner is and vice versa. If that's not the case, a conversation about space is in order. Failing that, it might be time to re-evaluate the healthiness of the relationship. As for Croydon, she's still single and ready to mingle part-time. |
據CNN報道，還記得那首《星期五，我們相愛吧》的舊歌曲嗎？是啊，現今一些約會中的情侶指望把它變成現實。 “我找到了一個心儀的周末情人，”38歲的利亞在新約會網站——parttimelove.co.uk上的一篇文章中寫道，“他不要求什么，我們在一起妙不可言。” 這家網站元月上旬開始運營，是根據戀人關系作者和博主海倫·克羅伊登的想法建成。她說，網站的目標人群是那些又想獨立又想戀愛的人。 一些人可能會發問，在一系列會員尋找一夜情的網站中，臨時情人網是否只是最新的網站。但是如果你把它的廣告詞當真，它就不僅是用來交友了。 “我們的網站并非是一夜情網站。我們為單身者建立，讓他們找到相互吸引，情真意切，相互尊重和激情四射意中人，不希望3個月后就搬到家里來，看重無拘無束和獨立自主?！本W站聲稱，其會員必須通過更成熟的其它約會網站選擇進入。 克羅伊登聲稱，低頻來往或者叫臨時關系與被生動地稱為“上床電話”或更好懂的“邂逅”不盡相同，因為其目標是長久情愛。 克羅伊登承認，網站并非適合每個人。她預計目標人群是30多歲到剛過40歲的人，他們行為方式固定，可能難以適應新伴侶。 “他們在故事里是真實的，”她說。 克羅伊登在她的新書《搞亂神話：現代女孩性與愛的指南》中探索她所謂的“低頻來往”，在書中她揭開了無所不在的伴侶的傳統理念。克羅伊登說，她從來沒想結婚生子。（她非常熟悉非傳統交往；她的第一本書《色狼日記》就是寫關于她偏好老男人。） “你不必每周三四夜去見某個人表達愛，”她從倫敦通過電話告訴有線新聞網. "在生活的其他每一個方面，我們尋求個人舒適，獨立，推崇個人主義，”她說，“然而，你的這種同居關系的生活模式要得到社會認可。” 克羅伊登說，為了進展順利，還是要強調伴侶的真實關系，因為既有浪漫和激情，但又“完全沒有專任伴侶的單調和義務。” 《與人上床，缺乏親密：為什么女人們滿足于單邊關系》一書的作者、弗吉尼亞州的臨床心理學家吉爾·韋伯說，這種特殊的約會方式肯定能感覺增加了自主權，因為允許約會者劃分這種關系界限。 “這種關系保護你，讓你少受傷，”她說。 她說，但是早晚有一天，一方或者雙方可能會有更強烈的感情和有更多的要求。 “最終，把我們彼此聯系在一起的是人性的脆弱，”她斷言。 韋伯說，相反，每一個情侶都感覺他們有自己的生活也是很重要的。 “在你的關系中，你應該感到安全和自在，”她說，意思是你不必時刻擔心你的伴侶在哪兒，反之亦然。如果情況不是那樣，就應該進行關于個人空間的談話了。如果沒能這樣，可能是時候重新評估關系的健康狀態了。 至于克羅伊登，她仍然單身一人，準備結交臨時情人。 （譯者 Carysong 編輯 王輝） 掃一掃，關注微博微信
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